Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Feel Like Having Sex?

I just received yet another email from someone telling me the woes of living with a less-than-satisfying sex life. This time it was a woman explaining that her husband doesn’t want to have sex with her very often. She initiates. He turns her down.

This scenario is played out countless times everyday in marriages. It’s one of the great stand-offs in married life. Typically, one spouse wants to have sex more than the other.  Sometimes, the husbands write to me that the woman isn’t so interested. After all, that is the stereotype. Men who want to have sex all the time and it’s the women who turn them down. (Truth be told, in my ministry, I hear much more from women who say that it’s the guys who aren’t interested—and the pervasiveness of pornography is a big reason for this.)


Don’t Go Sexless—Part Two

In my last post, I began explaining a simple solution to head off the problem of sexless marriage.  I pointed out how couples, generally, get to sexless when one person unilaterally decides to say, “no” to the sexual advances of the other—and sometimes for legitimate reasons. But I went on to reason that simply saying, “no” isn’t the answer and that it will actually work against getting the improvements you want in the relationship.  You need to answer a request for sex from your spouse with some version of “yes”. If you haven’t read Part One, (add link) do so before you continue on.

Let’s go back to the previous examples I gave in Part One—lack of hygiene and when the sex is “one sided”—to address how to use my “some version of yes” solution. If your hubby can’t seem to find the shower or toothbrush prior to jumping into bed for a session of lovemaking, don’t roll over in a huff and bark, “No! Get away!” at him, or pretend you are already sleeping. Simply smile and say, “Yes, dear! I’ll rock your world, just as soon as you shower and brush your teeth. Come see me when you’re squeaky clean, and I’ll put a big ol’ grin on your face.” See, the solution? Do you see how it will end in an entirely different way? For the wife to just say, “no” and roll over leaves the poor guy shot down in flames and leads to ill feelings and a strained relationship for both of you.


Don’t Go Sexless—Part One

The big trend today is to go “-less”. The grocery stores want us to go “bag-less” and bring our own totes. Companies ask us to go “paperless” and pay our bills online. Of course most of us have gone “wireless” long ago, but there is one area of married life people shouldn’t go “-less” in…and that’s sex. Yet, according to surveys, an estimated 20 million couples have done exactly that.

Sexless marriage is defined as having sex less than ten times a year. Some couples say it’s a lack of time. If that’s you, read my post on Scheduling Sex. Others say they lack desire. For those of you stuck on that one, read the posts The Desire Myth and Sometimes Sex is Just Sex. Sex is very important in a marriage and I’ve written additional articles on the subject that you should check out in the archives of my Marriage Insights Blog.


It’s NOT Just a Bunny

Most people don’t understand the power of sex. Our culture has poisoned their thinking and they’ve bought the lie that sex is just something you do because it’s exciting and feels good. Most people are totally unaware of the consequences of being sexually involved with another person.

In previous blog posts, I wrote about the power of “sexual imprinting” and how “sex can make you stupid”. But as I keep hearing more and more stories of couples who are having troubles when it comes to their sex lives, I’m convinced that we are clueless about the ramifications of sex done the wrong way instead of the right way—God’s way. We have to start connecting the dots, folks. How you behave sexually outside of marriage has an impact on sex inside your marriage. It’s an important message that we must get out to our Christian young people.


Don’t Marry, Be Happy

I know that it seems like odd advice for a marriage speaker to give. But what I really mean by it is pretty simple. If you think marriage will make you happy, you are sorely mistaken. Don’t marry someone with the idea that it’s going to make you happy. When either one or both spouses head into a marriage with this thinking, it creates some of the most miserable couples out there.

Can you be happy in marriage? Absolutely. But the people who are successful and happy in their marriages are not happy because they are married. It isn’t the marriage or the person they are married to that makes them happy. They are happy and fulfilled in life apart from their marriage.

The reality is if you are looking for a man or a woman to make you happy, if you are looking to marriage for happiness, you are barking up the wrong tree. The answer to your happiness isn’t marriage. The answer isn’t another person. Some of the loneliest and most unhappy people on the planet are those with wedding rings on. Sad, but true.


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