Posts Tagged ‘understanding’

Feel Like Having Sex?

I just received yet another email from someone telling me the woes of living with a less-than-satisfying sex life. This time it was a woman explaining that her husband doesn’t want to have sex with her very often. She initiates. He turns her down.

This scenario is played out countless times everyday in marriages. It’s one of the great stand-offs in married life. Typically, one spouse wants to have sex more than the other.  Sometimes, the husbands write to me that the woman isn’t so interested. After all, that is the stereotype. Men who want to have sex all the time and it’s the women who turn them down. (Truth be told, in my ministry, I hear much more from women who say that it’s the guys who aren’t interested—and the pervasiveness of pornography is a big reason for this.)

(more…)

Disappointment

At the beginning of every relationship, there is a high level of hope and desire that causes it to run on autopilot.  But over time hope and desire begin to erode when disappointment enters.

There are dozens of ways we can disappoint one another in a relationship as close and intimate as marriage.  From I thought it would be different to actual differences in upbringing, values, habits about money, personality, motivation, work ethic, and sex drives, we have the makings of marriage wars.  Sometimes people come across offensively because they are reacting to pain from the hurts that they have experienced in the past, and they are just trying to protect themselves from being injured again.  Wounded animals do not act predictably when you approach them; neither do emotionally wounded humans.

(more…)

Selfishness in Marriage

All marriages start off very selfishly. When a couple begins dating, it is generally all about each person’s own interests. “I like what you do for me. I like the way you make me feel. When I’m with you I’m happy. You make me feel validated.” At the beginning, marriage really is the ultimate in narcissistic expression. The reason you are getting married is because of what he/she does for you. And it’s the same for the other person. It’s all about me, me, me!

But then you get these two me, me, me people together and something has to give. Marriages where couples are able to make the transition from selfish, me-centered thinking, the ones where the husband and wife realize that they can’t get everything they want, are the ones that make it. The marriages where couples can’t do that…and many people don’t…are the ones that fall apart.
(more…)

Not Your Mother

So often I hear women complain because they have to ask their husbands to do things. They complain that they have to remind them—sometimes repeatedly—to put their laundry away or do the dishes or help with the kids. The list of transgressions that they recite is then followed with a line similar to, “I should be his wife, not his mother!” or “I feel like I have two small kids and a big one!” You get the idea. What is really at the bottom of all this frustration is that these women expect their men to be like women.

Because another woman would see that the dishes needed to be done, or the laundry put away. Their sisters, mothers, or girlfriends would automatically know that the kids need to be bathed and put to bed and they would jump right in and do it. But men are not women! Often, we literally don’t see these things; they aren’t big priorities to us and, as far as we know, the world won’t end if they aren’t tended to immediately.
(more…)

The Power of Understanding

Understanding is extremely important when it comes to a healthy successful marriage.  When you are willing to understand each other, new vision and hope will emerge.  You will immediately become energized to work on your marriage, even if it is rife with trouble.  Here is a story that illustrates the power understanding has on our willingness to stick to a difficult relationship.

Once there was a boy who lived with his mother and grandfather.  His grandfather was not really an elderly man, but he was confined to a wheelchair and had very little use of his arms.  His face was badly scarred, and he had a difficult time swallowing his food.

Every day the little boy was assigned the task of going into his grandfather’s room and feeding him lunch.  This the little boy did faithfully, but not joyously.  It was quite a mess to feed Grandfather.

(more…)

 
Share this site: