Posts Tagged ‘women’

At Least Get Paid for It!

There is a misconception, a mistaken way of thinking among Christians when it comes to having sex outside of marriage.  Here is what many people think:

  • The best circumstance to have sex in is within the bounds of matrimony or if you are not married, to remain sexually pure.
  • The next best scenario is having sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend…but while you really shouldn’t do it, most people will give a pass to those who do. Because after all, you love each other, it’s just so difficult to wait; you can’t really control yourselves when you feel so strongly about one another.
  • Then the lowest and most unacceptable sex (in most people’s minds) is prostitution—those who get paid to engage in sexual acts.

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Drawing the Lines

There is a great song by Michael Buble titled “Everything”. It’s quite romantic actually, as he is telling his girl how important she is to him:

You’re a falling star, You’re the get away car.
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.
You’re the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you’re the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don’t pretend, that you don’t know it’s true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

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Less Martha and More Mary

Guest Blogger-Diane Brierley, Co-Host of The Mark Gungor Show

Several times on the show, we have heard from wives who feel as if they have to be and do everything in their homes and are very upset because their husbands don’t help them. I call this the “Martha Complex”—where wives think they have to be “superwoman”.  Now, because Mark Gungor is not a woman and he is not a “Martha”, he asked me to give my perspective speaking as a “reformed” Martha!

We can start with the biblical example of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) when addressing women about this and see how Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus just listening to him while Martha was running around taking care of all that she thought needed to be done. Martha ends up getting mad because she’s doing all the work, and thinking Jesus will be on her side, asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her. But Jesus doesn’t do that. Instead, he tells Martha to chill out and leave Mary alone because she has chosen what is better–that which is more important. (The Gungor translation!)
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Sexless Marriage? The Desire Myth

In a previous post I gave one possible explanation for why some married couples don’t have much of a sex life. Sexless marriage is a very common problem in millions of marriages today. As I’ve stated before, a sexless marriage is one where a couple engages in little to no sexual activity–anything less than ten times per year is considered to be sexless. There can be many reasons that contribute to this phenomenon—anything from health issues, kids and busy schedules, to pornography use, masturbation, issues due to past sexual abuse and serious problems or difficulties in the relationship. But there is one very simple misunderstanding in regard to sex I would like to address, and I truly think it can make a big difference for a lot of couples. Many, many people mistakenly think that you can only have sex if it is preceded by great desire and/or a huge emotional connection. But I say that neither is required every time to have a great sex life with your spouse.

Let’s deal with the desire issue first. The typical model says we first feel desire, then arousal, followed by the actual event of sex (intercourse)—but as I say in my Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage book and seminar, this is not true for millions of people! Many people don’t feel that great desire first and often don’t want to do it until they are actually doing it—then they are glad they did! Unfortunately, the misinformation that we have been given by so-called experts and the media in our culture has led most people to believe that both the man and woman always feel all this hot and heavy desire before they can have sex.
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Attention = Desire Disorder (Part 2)

In the last post I wrote about the connection between attention and desire and explained that when a man pays attention to his wife, it builds desire in him. As human beings we want or desire what we give our time and thoughts to. It could be a shiny new car that you keep driving by the lot admiring or the big piece of chocolate cake that you continuously look at sitting on the counter! Then I explained how this applies in marriage—mostly from the man’s point of view—trying to get women to understand this connection between attention and desire in a man’s brain. If you haven’t read it yet, you may want to check out Attention = Desire Disorder (Part 1) first.

Now, I didn’t say that every time the guy gives his wife a little attention she needs to fulfill his immediate desire (as some readers assumed). Rather the intent was to explain why some men stop paying attention to their wives. If time after time a man gives attention, causing his desire for his wife to grow, and then she constantly stiff-arms him and pushes her husband away, the dude is going to stop with the attention. He will do it if for no other reason than to keep his arousal and desire in check and limit his own sexual frustration.
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